Emotionally charged.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I made a post tonight about the costs associated with IVF and adoption. And I always post things then think , What the hell did I do that for? Uneducated opinions, and other comments. Of course, a parade of the “ttc” sisters made their statements. Today….I am sad. I’m not really sure why today was the day to get so emotional but it was. I am still very angry. I guess it stems from all the shit I’ve gone through to try to be a mother. I get this great opportunity to be a part of the ivf study and go through two rounds ( that were awful on my body) and alas, NOTHING. I do the FET and I get pregnant. I revel in the fact I was pregnant for that short time then back to being me. Another failure. I’ll be 37 in February….just over a month away and here I sit at a laptop, childless. I thought life would be so different at this point. Some of my friends have kids almost to the teenage years and some are younger. Who would of thought I’d have zero children at 36 years old. Not me, that’s for sure. At least I’d have a child by adoption. Well that hasn’t panned out either. The new thing is “placing children with their siblings”. While I agree to some degree, there comes a point where you have to say no. Having 4 kids then adding another is a bit much. How about share the love? How about give someone else the chance to adopt a child? Its not like I wouldn’t be open to visits and such with siblings. All in all, I am frustrated. I wish I could walk away from social media totally. Every time I log in, I see posts of peoples kids and babies….and then on instagram I see the ladies that got pregnant the same time as me posting belly pictures. Insert instant heartbreak……I feel like hiding in a remote cabin for awhile til my heart heals…but I know that’s not possible. Suck it up, Danielle…suck it up…

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