Dear universe.

As I sit here with a parade of tears in my eyes, I still don’t understand. Maybe it’s supposed to be that way. Why are you testing us to our limits? Why are you giving us constant heartbreak? Why did you take away my baby when it’s heart was supposed to start beating? My husband is heartbroken. He’s been through so much loss in his life. He’s lost his mother and all he wants to be is a dad. How do you explain that to him? Seeing his eyes flood with tears and trying to catch his breath through words he can barely get out…it’s heartbreaking. He deserves this more than anyone I know. I don’t know what to do with myself. Infertility has broken my heart, my spirit, my dreams. I know we will heal but it doesn’t make this any easier. I wish the doctors would finally say, your eggs are shitty, it’s unlikely you will be able to get pregnant on your own with them. At least I would have answers. Donor eggs are an option but it would have to be from someone I know because it’s illegal to buy them in canada. I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I’m devastated. Let the picking up the pieces begin…yet again. One breath at a time, one foot in front of the other, I will rebound from this.

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4 thoughts on “Dear universe.

  1. Just catching up on your blog. I’m so sorry this has happened, it is really unfair. The pain is awful. I hope things get easier, Lord knows you and your husband deserve it.

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