Loss.

I experienced loss early in my life. I lost one set of grandparents in my late teenage years. That was incredibly hard, and I think of what they would of said to me today. I had one of my old boyfriends pass away. Loss is a tough thing to deal with, no matter how it comes to you and in what avenue.  You never forget what happened, or how it happened but you pick up the pieces and live your life how you should.

In saying this, I have never experienced pregnancy loss. I have only experienced the inability to conceive a child. That, I feel is somewhat “loss” as well. The fact you see everywhere that people are pregnant and you are not,  leaves a big hole in your heart. I don’t want pity, I don’t want consoling, I just want answers. I want to know why the “loss” of being a mother continues to continue in my life. Some may not agree that it is “loss” but maybe I see things differently. One day I hope to get my answers.

I used to go to counseling. When I went I found out that I’m the “mothering” type and have done that in most of my relationships. If I’m so much the mothering type, then why aren’t I a mother?

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3 thoughts on “Loss.

  1. Infertility is absolutely a loss. It’s the loss of a dream, the vision you had for how your beautiful life would be. You’re right, you have a mothering heart. I don’t believe you’re meant to learn any lessons from any of this. You were a good person to begin with, you didn’t need this as a wake up call. You may walk away having learned some saintly level of patience, but I don’t think there is some grand scheme involved. I am still confident that you will be a mother one day, I wish I could tell you when.

  2. I agree that infertility is a huge loss. Not everyone understands that and that’s okay, but it is most definitely a loss.

    I know you’ll be a mother one day, I just know it. And you’re gonna be a great mother at that! xo

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