So I sit here as we are on our two week wait and I know my body and science has failed me. Since I last blogged, we have done a round of ivf. I was a fast responder to the meds and everything went decent til egg retrieval. That was one of the most painful things I have been through. They retrieved 6 eggs. Being 36, I thought, hey it’s okay, I’ll have some to freeze. Yeah not so much. 3 arrested right away, 3 fertilized and 1 made it to transfer. It was a grade b morula. Not quite the blastocyst stage they wanted to see go back in. Watching the transfer of my possible baby go into it’s “spot”inside of me gave me much hope. The next few days I was full of hope, love and curiosity of what this whole idea of pregnancy would be like. I was excited, I was careful not to do too much lifting or working out. I was nurturing and taking care of my “nest”. I had so much hope and so many people rooting for us.
Now I sit at 8dp5dt. I tested yesterday. It was negative. My period has started to show up. Even with taking the progesterone suppositories. I’m devastated to say the least, and so is my husband. There is nothing we can do but let nature take it’s course. My possible baby will be gone, my heart will heal and we will re-evaluate. I’m not certain I want to go through this again. I’m not strong enough to endure the retrieval again. In my heart, with these results, I feel like our journey may be over. I love my husband to death and have only wanted to make him a father since the moment I fell in love with him. He’s an amazingly emotional and loving man. Nothing would make me happier than to make him a father. Maybe one day, we will have a non conventional family bonded by heart not genes.