I was thinking about this as I was sitting in photo class today. Its basically the same concept. You know your goal of what you want, you take many tries and many pictures to perfect what you want and then you hopefully get that perfect “shot”. I have taken so many pictures and end up deleting half of them and same with my infertility. I go out thinking what I will see, take the picture, and upload it on my computer only to find out it never looks as good as I thought. Same idea with being a mom. I thought, “oh hey, this won’t be that hard. I’ll have sex a few times and what, I’m a mom”. Sorry, try again. You try emotionally, physically and spiritually to find what you want. You blame it on your body or blame it on your camera…same idea, right?
As I struggle to be a mother and I struggle to make my photography better every day, the idea has some recently that I don’t give myself enough credit. Sure, I’ve struggled to get better in both departments…..BUT my struggle hasn’t been nearly as tough as some of my other TTC ladies. I’ve never had a miscarriage, never had a BFP, never done intense treatments and I’ve never been diagnosed with any serious fertility issues. But as I know, life is NEVER easy and I will have to fight to get what I want.
in saying that, we are proceeding with IVF. It is an excellent opportunity to finally have a family. And I will continue with my photography. I’m not ready to give up on either. I think the photography gives me a creative outlet and calms my soul. So I will continue to have my camera strapped to my hand. SO be prepared if any of you are following my facebook photography page, that you will see a rush of my photos:)
Onwards and upwards…..here we go. The sun will rise and the sun will set but I know in my heart what I love and what I want to see everyday. Sunrises make me happy and I know its a new day to be a better, more positive me.