I blog because I feel it is a good outlet for my feelings. Infertility has made me a different person, and I need to accept that. I have become distant, uninterested in my normal relationships…and depressed. This is what 3+ years of this journey as done. I don’t want to be judged on my posts as I was in a dark place when things happened. I was bitter, I was angry and I was trying to figure out me. I cant really say I’ve figured out me but I’ve come a long way from the person I was, even just a year ago. I don’t regret anything I’ve posted , for it was how I felt at the time. I was bitter at all the pregnant people posting on facebook…I even hid and unfriended people because of it. I figured when you cant see it, its no longer there. I know it was wrong but that’s how I felt I had to deal with it.

Things are better, less bitterness, less anger and more hope for myself and my journey. I am starting to embrace other peoples “ibeatinfertility” hashtags and celebrate that this ugliness can be defeated. One day, hopefully soon by the power of scientific medicine, I will beat infertility too.


2 thoughts on “Feelings.

  1. I love that you said you aren’t going to apologize for past posts. I’m horrible at this. I’ve deleted entire old blogs because I was ashamed of the old me.

    I’m glad you’re getting more hopeful as you start your IVF study. I am also more hopeful as I approach my FET. I’ve even started following pregnancy and motherhood accounts that have nothing to do with infertility! I thought this was a big step 🙂

    Keep blogging xoox

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