All it takes is one post on social media.

Feeling a little sad. We were bombarded today with a bit of a snowstorm here in BC. Sure is pretty, but I hope it leaves as fast as it came. While I got outside today on a nice snowy 8 km walk with a girlfriend, I come home to a quiet house and my furkids. They are my kids but in a different way. I flip on facebook while I was sitting on the couch to only see another pregnancy announcement. It was this little girl who built 4 snowmen and it says we are going to be a family of four. It was cute but boy did it burn. Ever have a feeling that is so deep and makes you want to curl in a ball and do an ugly cry? Today was one of those moments. And the sad fact, is that this girl knows about our infertility. As per my last post, nobody cares about my infertility. Its my problem, not theirs. I know the only way to get away from those announcement is to not be involved in social media. Maybe one day ill get to that point but it is such a valid tool to show off some of my photography and if I were to give it up, I’d have nobody to share my photography with. Tomorrow, I will be celebrating the life of my elementary school best friends father. He tragically passed away on my birthday last Sunday. An emotionally unstable woman going to a funeral. I hope I can keep it together. Wish me luck.

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4 thoughts on “All it takes is one post on social media.

  1. Even thou…I’ve known you such a short time I just want you to know…I care! I can’t speak for everyone but I can say how many times I say thoughtless things, that I don’t mean to say. Maybe some people don’t realize in their happiness the comments they choose to share are that painful for you. I would give up all my wishes I have left if it meant you were blessed with a child. You will be an amazing mom. Keep your spirits high!

  2. I truly admire your blog, you are so courageous to share your story, and your persistence to build a family for yourself is inspiring. I will continue to follow you in your journey. I can only hope that among the intense pain you felt while scrolling over that facebook post you can also take a step back and consider whether this friend was being needlessly careless of your situation or was simply acknowledging a milestone in her life. And frankly, maybe it was both?

    Unfortunately the world has a tendency to kick us while we’re already in pain and clearly down. I’ve been there and I know from experience that the jealousy I harbored for pregnant friends and even pregnant strangers..isolated me from the people I cared about, So yes, I would openly sulk while at lunch with my girlfriends as they giggled over their baby bumps, hoping and praying they would get the hint to shut it.

    I eventually got to the point where even casual comments that a “friend of a friend” was pregnant would set me off. I remember often retorting “you don’t understand what it’s like to be infertile”. I crucified people that talked about pregnancy, I considered them to be rubbing it in my face on purpose. Evidently I noticed my siblings and friends drift away because of my inability to cope with conversations involving children and babies. Ahhh…the moment my baby sister finally told me she was pregnant, explaining she had waited 4 months because she was afraid I wouldn’t want to be around her anymore …I thought to myself, what kind of monster have I become?
    ,
    Learning to deal with the reality of life, the reality that I cannot shield myself from pregnancy and everything that comes with it, was so difficult for me. And I still struggle with it 5 years after my last real try. But i’ve come to realize…that pregnancy is apart of life, unfortunately not for me, but for most… and although I can’t have kids, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t want people to relish in the happiness theirs bring. I have found so much more joy in being apart of moments and conversations over pregnancy and children, than the times I isolated myself and crucified my friends for even talking about them.

    This is my own personal journey I’m not here to make any assumptions on yours, I just wanted to provide some incite on how easy it is to isolate yourself when struggling with infertility… I wish you all the best in your journey, you will be an amazing mother.

  3. Sending love, friend. I know that sting very well.

    Social media is a blessing in many ways and in other ways it can really hurt. I’m not on FB for that very reason. Hope to see you this summer!!

    xoox

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