Frustrated…(pity party for one)

SO here marks a week before my expected AF and I’ve started spotting. Sore back, sore boobs, cramping….sure seems like shes ready to rear her ugly head. I’m not sure why but this cycle has left me angry and disappointed but it has. Maybe I have more “wrong” with my body than I know of. I’ve only really been diagnosed with cysts and a blocked tube so i’m not sure what is going on. Soon it will be 3 years of TTC. I had my cysts removed, the tube unblocked and a bit of endometriosis removed when my cyst was removed but that’s it. Husbands SA was good….so its all me:( I so want to know “why” I cant get pregnant.

I am having a moment with angry and jealousy. Why do the people who don’t deserve to get pregnant so easily get pregnant while us “infertiles” struggle everyday to attempt and pay thousands of dollars to try to have a child. Life just sometimes isn’t fair. Sometimes I just think this isn’t in the cards for us. As much as I want a child of my own, its so very difficult to remain positive. I see pregnancy announcements and baby and child talk all around me. Its hard when they know I suffer from IF and yet its not even a thought that im in the room or around them at that time. Sometimes I just leave the conversation and walk away. Can I relate? No. Can I contribute to the conversation, no.

I’m not okay, and I wont be okay til I have my own child in my belly.

I’m 35 freaking years old and my time is limited.


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