Well today is April 3… and its been awhile since I update this blog of mine. A lot has happened in a short while. Its been crazy and a lot to take in. So here goes 🙂
First of all, we decided to go forth with a donor cycle then we backed out. Reasons for not going ahead were pretty much a uncertain result and with spending all that money…..around 20,000, we just couldn’t risk it. Its not that I do not want a baby as I sure the heck do, its the emotional coaster that my heart could not muster up to do again. Its a personal decision, and while everyone will always have an opinion, its solely mine. I struggle with this decision every day and most likely will for the rest of my life. But on the other hand, I can live with the fact that I gave ivf 3 chances to work for us and ultimately it failed us. My body failed us. Science failed us but it wont make miracles out of broken bodies. I wish I knew why I couldn’t carry, why I couldn’t do this on my own, and why I was chosen to be one of the broken ones. But alas, it must have come down to shitty eggs or the fact I cant carry a child in my womb, ever. If I knew this from the beginning, I would of gone straight to donor eggs off the bat but I was told I’m unexplained and he would get me pregnant….well he did but I lasted a short almost 7 weeks. I also wish my RE had compassion and would of contacted us after we told the nurse we could not do this any longer. He was always so supportive but I guess, its still just a business to him. And we are just a client number.
On another note, life has been a bit exciting. It has been a rough year as explained in earlier posts. I am still slowly dealing with my fathers passing. It will never be easy and this tears still randomly leak down my face especially when I’m driving. That’s been the most leakable place ever. Its weird getting used to this new kind of normal. I don’t care for it much.
We ventured out to the RV show a few months ago. We’ve talked about buying a bigger rv due to the fact of our huge dog and the lack of storage. Well that day, after doing a lot of research on rvs, we finally decided to treat ourselves. It was a very generous treat, but now we have room for extra people to come with us and we have lots of storage.
And now for the exciting news! We were contacted over a month ago or so, I think it was late February……about a child. We were proposed a little girl who is 22 months old. Blond haired, brown eyed, little active person. She had a rough start to her life, I’m not going to lie. Her mother made poor choices with her lifestyle and this little one came into the world early, a month early. But we are ultimately grateful she decided to let her little girl find a forever family. Someone to love and dote on her forever. And that was us. We are pretty pumped about this, even though I’m going to be on a complete whirlwind of emotions for a long time. We can not believe it is finally our turn. Life will never be the same. And we are pretty damn excited about it.
So in saying all this, we have been preparing and I have literally been thanking my father, who in no doubt of my mind, had his hand in this. He was looking out for his daughter and thought that he would help out her grief by filling her heart full with hope, excitement and love.
There is no doubt that we love this little girl so much already. We meet her in a couple weeks and I can not wait to see her little face and wait for that moment when she calls me mommy. *insert more leaky eyes here*
So this year will be filled with crazy chaos, new camping adventures, funny moments, sad moments and sometimes hair pulling out moments but it will be all worth it. We’ve been waiting for this moment in the journey of adoption, for three years. And this moment is finally ours.